2.14 - Die Hand Die Verletzt
Written by: Glen Morgan & James Wong
Directed by: Kim Manners
Aired on: January 27, 1995
Cold Open: 1:51
Visuals: We open on the epicenter of high drama and the unknown, a place where myth meets the sharp guillotine of fact: the Milford Haven, New Hampshire Parent Teacher Committee. That's not even a clever joke because I'm hackishly reworking the show's misdirection for comedic payoff rather than shocking unease.
This cold open is perfect, and it's a grand example of when the visuals and the length of the segment are balanced expertly. It's under two minutes, with a series of close-ups on actors' faces as they work through some bureaucratic high school mundanities, followed by a slow reveal after a mention of prayer that seems to run counterintuitive to the dialogue we've just heard.
All slam-dunked by employing one of the strongest visuals they've featured in a cold open, with more dialogue and story set up to boot. When all is said and done, and I've rewatched every one of these episodes at least four times, this cold open will stand out as a blueprint for getting into an episode efficiently and artfully.
Credits end and we open on a rainy forest (O Canada!), shafts of light blasting through the trees as four badass '90s teens march through the mist. And one of them says something that is so confusing I could make it the centerpiece of this entire post. I won't. But...
This character speaks in High Stoner, aka Pauly-flection or Breckin-speech, which was the defining patois of the decade, with long and rounded vowels combined with random words forced into exclamations. Maybe that's the only lesson to be learned here. As he and his buddy approach the "altar" of a hollow tree stump, he says, "Those mittens are givin' me a Gingrich" or "These mittens are givin' me a Gingrich." The subtitles claim it's "These," but man, I'll tell you what, it makes zero goddamn sense either way.
He gets killed about two minutes later so we never get more insight into what he might mean. After a time jump we find Mulder and Scully at the body and she says he's only been dead about 12 hours, noteworthy because it's still raining. Larry Musser makes an appearance as Sheriff John Oaks and gives a great performance, not only of note due to his actual work in the episode, but because he reappears in 3.20 - Jose Chung's 'From Outer Space' and with significant comedic timing/chops.
This episode has enough on its own to be interesting, though. It rains frogs, for instance.
But all of that takes us barely 11 minutes in, and it doesn't do the episode justice. The Parent Teacher Committee members conspire a mere windowpane away from Mulder and Scully interrogating the surviving badass '90s teens. They argue over which one of them killed the kid, only to immediately code switch to Satanic Panic Warriors for the feds. It's masterful, and no joke, Hitchcockian in nature because of the shared secret between the audience and these evil board members.
Although yes, the demonic presence reversing the Coriolis Effect in a water fountain (Mulder notices, obviously) is preeeetttttyyy stupid. But, hey, that is quickly forgotten when a teacher opens her desk drawer to reveal a full, bloody heart in a tray, which she lays some homework papers atop.
This also may be the debut of the internet for the whole show? I at least can't remember anyone saying anything about it prior to this, and I feel like I'd definitely remember, considering how Scully mentions it.
"I found this on the inter-net," she says, almost blasting her teeth out as she hits those T's.
Heather McComb plays Shannon, one of the troubled teens and she seriously knocks it out of the park. Her tearful monologue blows any of the goofiness away. She unloads her story of sexual assault, saying a lot, a whole fucking lot, and actually managing to talk around some of the more horrific bits, although yes there are plenty of horrific bits there.
"I've had three children, and they're all buried in the cellar," she says, only to go on and on.
If you haven't heard of the McMartin Preschool story you may not notice the connections here. It's obvious that classic, one of the urtexts really, of the Satanic Panic is bedrock inspiration for this episode.
Great performances run throughout, Dan Butler as Shannon's dad Jim being another. His confession and subsequent death via a snake locking in a rear naked choke are memorably shot, first lit only through Mulder's flashlight then the blue light of a stormy night slicing down the basement stairs. It’s fantastic.
Mulder and Scully get dragged to the high school locker rooms, the Satanic Committee turns the showers on and one of them says, "It'll make the blood much easier to clean up," as he wields a shotgun. It's dark as hell.
We never find out who or what the substitute teacher is, though the strong hint is she's some sort of avenging demon. One of the best of the season so far.
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